ADHD, sensitivity and limiting beliefs
I often find in my clinical work that when people talk about ADHD, they tend to focus on the practical challenges. They tell me about the constant distraction, damaging impulsivity or debilitating lack of focus.
But for many individuals, the challenging aspects of ADHD aren’t just behavioural, they’re deeply emotional and play a powerful role in how people with ADHD experience their inner world and perceive the world of those around them.
I wonder how many of us are familiar with the terms rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) and limiting beliefs? These phrases aren’t always discussed outside clinical settings; however, I believe they are incredibly important when understanding the impact of the emotional challenges associated with ADHD.
Why are they so important?
One of the most impactful, and often misunderstood, experiences linked to ADHD is rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD).
Sensitivity is a trait found in a variety of species across the planet. According to Psychology Today, “about 15-20 percent of the population is thought to be highly sensitive”(Psychology Today n.d). It likely evolved as a trait designed to keep humans safe. When we were living in tribes many years ago, we needed people who would be constantly scanning for threat, or sensitive to the nuances of change in external stimuli.
So, whilst sensitivity is not unique to people with ADHD, they are often highly sensitive.
But RSD is slightly different
Clients sometimes describe extreme emotional pain triggered by the threat of real or perceived rejection. This is RSD and it can manifest as emotional overwhelm (eg, crying, outbursts, disproportionate emotional responses), often accompanied by quite an acute physical pain such as tightness in the chest or nausea.
What is rejection in this instance? Well, it’s not always obvious. RSD doesn’t just show up when there is a real threat; these threats can be extremely subtle. Perhaps a friend seems distracted, a boss displays a slight change in tone or family members don’t respond immediately to a query. All these moments, which may seem unlikely to cause intense stress to many without ADHD, can have a significant impact on a person suffering with RSD.
Why does this happen?
For many people, growing up with ADHD means being subject to constant questioning over behaviour traits and, sadly, feedback is often critical.
People hear comments such as “You’re not trying”, “You’re too much” or “You never think before you speak”. Being constantly judged in a negative way leads us to internalise these beliefs over time, meaning this feedback is accepted and adopted into a person’s own belief system and perceived as being an integral part of their personality.
We form limiting beliefs as a consequence, “I’m not good enough”, “Other people think I’m useless” etc; these are deeply held assumptions about who we are and challenging them with our internal narrative can often feel like an uphill battle. The beliefs are reinforced in environments that don’t understand the way an ADHD brain might work, leading to further repetition of who we think we are and our limited capabilities.
So, over time, challenges with day-to-day tasks, alongside behaviours such as impulsivity, can lead to a barrage of consistent messaging comprising judgement and shame.
These consistent messages, both subtle and more overt, are often centred around rejection and are incredibly painful on an emotional level. Over time, the nervous system becomes attuned to this behaviour trait from others, expecting and anticipating it and, when rejection is perceived or happens as an adult, the early memories of rejection and the associated feelings come rushing to the surface.
Because of the strong link to past experiences, the emotions are felt acutely, sadly often out of proportion with the actual event. So, what unfolds is early rejection due to ADHD behaviours, leads to further sensitivity to rejection as an adult and an internal negative self-perception.
Why Approaches Like EMDR Can Help
Because many of these patterns are rooted in past experiences, approaches that work beyond surface-level thinking can be particularly helpful.
Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) doesn’t focus only on conscious thought, instead it works with how experiences are stored in the brain and body and helps to create change via accessing and moving those painful early experiences of rejection and criticism into a memory that is understood and less painful when accessed or triggered. EMDR also helps to create stronger, more positive beliefs for an individual such as “I am capable” or “I am enough”.
Over time, EMDR helps to support nervous system regulation, and it can be particularly accessible for neurodivergent individuals because it doesn’t rely on sustained attention or long verbal explanations in the way more conventional talking therapies might.
An increase in ADHD?
I am often asked if I think there is has been a trend of overdiagnosis with ADHD in recent years and it is currently a big topic of discussion in psychological circles and beyond.
Whilst there has undoubtedly been an increase in awareness, and the reasons for this are widely debated, I prefer to focus on the positive outcomes of recognition for the many people with ADHD who have struggled to feel understood for years, and who have grown up believing there is something wrong with them.
They are now gaining access to a deeper understanding; there is validation for the fact that brains work in a certain way and there is real understanding about the impact of painful and debilitating symptoms such as RSD. This awareness, in my eyes, can only be seen as a positive.
To feel misunderstood is perhaps one of the most painful forms of rejection there can be; so, to have the ability to share experiences from an ADHD perspective, to make sense of them, uncover the associated reasons behind and then find a treatment that helps, can be life changing to so many.
Understanding the strengths and challenges
We are all unique with our own ways of seeing, interpreting and interacting with the world.
Many people with ADHD report the capacity for deep empathy for others, an incredible ability to tap into creativity, a non-linear approach to thinking, a strong sense of justice and the ability to comprehend and connect with ideas that some members of society might find less obtainable.
These traits shape my clients, can be empowering, and often dictate how they relate and contribute to the world. There are of course challenges that come with ADHD, rejection sensitivity is not an easy thing to deal with for example, and the intensity of feeling overwhelmed without really understanding why can stop many with ADHD in their tracks.
However, I believe that greater understanding, curiosity and compassion in relation to what it means to live with ADHD, is hugely positive. Helping people understand the origins of limiting beliefs or RSD, to clearly label them, removes the associated shame. To find the strength to tackle RSD and break free of the stigma associated with many years of being labelled and perceiving oneself as not good enough is empowering.
I believe we all have the right to celebrate our differences and to believe, from the very core of our being, that we are absolutely and wholeheartedly “good enough”.
For more information on therapy please email me directly on luscombejulie6@gmail.com or call me on 07703850840.